i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
