I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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