So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
