Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We're like a lot better than the average bears
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
