'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
