alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Reggie can tackle my bush.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
