there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I've blown a few things in my day
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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