A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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