YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
