kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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