I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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