He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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