Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize