i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
