i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I haven't been this sober since birth.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
