The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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