3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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