a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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