I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
