I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
