high people should be assigned attendants
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize