It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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