Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just google imaged poop.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
