so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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