Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
