wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
