i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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