So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
