It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
