i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
