i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
