dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
