End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
