i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
