I murdered the dance floor call the cops
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
