go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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