I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
