Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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