The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
