I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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