Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize