She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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