that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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