Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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