just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
