he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So much Jack, so little girl.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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