Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
