I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
