paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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