tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
