i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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