I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
