you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
