Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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