I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
