:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
