he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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