She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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