If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
