Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
