put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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