just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
