Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
