dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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