Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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