You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize