I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
