Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize