I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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