I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
