Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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